Who Am I?

You know what? Who am I is about the best question I’ve heard in a week year. I am a woman, a mommy, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a business owner but never an aunt. You got it, I tried to put them in the order that I believe they rank for me for importance.

The truth is all there, I am a woman, God handled that one straight from the beginning. Then, my boys are the most precious and important little things I’ve ever known. Yes, I called them things and important, but you all know what I mean. They are 5 and 3 and just about the greatest human beings I’ve ever met. OK, they are the greatest. My first born, a ditto baby of his father in looks but very much has my personality. The second, a mini-me with my husband’s disposition. Figures, eh?

I am a wife. I’ve been a wife four times. The first time I was not a good person nor a good wife The second time I was a decent wife, but a better person. The third time, I was a decent person, a really good wife (or at least I thought I was). This time around, I’ve been a good person and a not-so-good person (not as bad as the first marriage but you know, none of us are perfect), I’ve been a good wife and a not-so-good wife (not as bad….you get it) but this time, I’m doing my best to be a friend too. I don’t know why it is so hard to do all those at once, but doggone it, it simply is that hard.

I am a daughter. The only daughter. the only child of a mom with endometrial cancer and a father who passed at the age of 43 from cancer as well. I’m not going to try to gauge how well of a daughter I’ve been, instead, I want to share a tidbit, a quote from each of my parents. On the day I went to be induced with Walker (my first born), my mom said, “You’ve never been happy, even as a kid, you were not a happy kid, nothing made you happy. This is the first time in your life I’ve ever seen you happy.” I was 35. That’s a lot of years of unhappiness. I don’t think I was as unhappy as she saw me to be, but I can say that what I think she meant was she felt guilt for many of the times that I was unhappy as a child. Is that true? No, not really. No one makes us happy or sad. End of that. As for my father, he has more genes running through my body than my mom does. I know, I know, that’s not technically possible, but the truth is, I think that’s why my mom thinks I was so unhappy, she divorced my dad when I was 4. See where I’m going with this? My quote from my dad that stands out is the classic father to daughter quote, “You can be anything you want to be. Do not ever let anyone tell you that something, anything is impossible.” He is the reason that I when I entered ninth grade I chose a school where I knew not one person. He is the reason that when I was 23 I received a B.S. in Education. I haven’t chosen a career path really in education other than to say that my speciality is physical education and now I truly own a business where I can PLAY ALL DAY LONG. He is the reason that when I was 28 I loaded up my TV, a set of bedding, my personal hygiene needs and the clothing I needed for one season and drove to Atlanta to live. No home, no job, no friends, not even an aquaintance, but I did it because my father told me that I could.

As for being a granddaughter, I don’t do so well. My maternal grandmother died when I was 2, so I only had 50% of a chance to be a good granddaughter. I’d give myself a 3 on a scale of 1 to 5. I tried for a few years. I really did. Now, I am busy and this is where I fail a lot. My grandmother is 82. She could work circles around me. But, she is 82 and I only see her once or twice a year although she lives just 30 miles or so from me.

As a niece, I do pretty good. I’m the go to person in my mom’s family. My own children have even realized this as tonight as one of my uncles was driving away after a small chat, Walker said, “Call us if you need anything!” Enough said.

On May 23, 2007, my husband and I purchased a daycare. The center was not in great shape. And, I’m not talking about the building, I’m talking about the business. I’ve had a rough first year. I kid you not, it has been really hard. But, I am 39 years old AND I own my own business. It is building. Maybe before I’m 50 it will be extremely profitable for me. But, you know what is more important to me than that? That every child that passes through those doors remembers that I love working with them and I wish them the best. I hope they remember that I helped them get the skills they needed to succeed in life and I don’t necessarily always mean the A B C’s and 1 2 3’s.

Finally, I will never be an aunt. You read that right. My husband is an only child too. And so, I get to wear a lot of hats, but I never get to be an aunt.

So there, my dad’s words have influenced me a lot if the only thing I think know I can’t do is be an Aunt. Wouldn’t you say?